Pamela James

Pamela James aka Pammer, is a stay-at-home mom of two almost grown children. She has homeschooled the children all through high school and is currently in her last year with her youngest son. All her life she made up stories in her mind and while the kids were younger she began writing them down. Only five years ago did she discover she could share these stories with others and began the pursuit to publication. She lives in Kansas with her own personal Prince Charming she married 21 years ago, with a menagerie of animals. When she isn’t writing she enjoys sewing and makes a little extra money on the side as a designer for an amazing artist. Visit Pammer at her blog

Whose Will?

Daddy told me there are two kinds of people in the world. Those who learn from the mistakes of others . . . and the “others.” I fall firmly in the camp of the latter. I hope that by sharing my journey, you will be able to glean what I’ve learned, without all the anguish, and apply it to your life.

Three times in my life I’ve felt so alone and desolate I fell on my face before the throne of God. Two of those times have been in the past year.

These have turned out to be wonderful learning times for me, spiritually and emotionally—a time to realign my heading.

I so desperately want a Mary spirit, but I have to admit, I am a Martha through and through. God gives me a calling or an idea and I’m off and running with it. I muscle my way through trouble and trial, hacking through a jungle growth of difficulties. I find myself completely exhausted and no closer to my goal. Why doesn’t God help me? I turn to ask Him just that only to find that He’s patiently waiting for me to realize this is not where I need to be. It’s my path, not His, and therefore not the right one.

God gave me a calling to write inspirational stories. We (God and I) hammered this out for sure in the prayer room at the ACFW Conference in 2008. In all the business of working and being vice president of ACFW, I had lost sight of my true goal. But I didn’t know this yet. I felt God calling me to run for president of the ACFW.

Then God gave me the verse Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV). To be honest, this verse scared me silly. It didn’t bode well for my year being a pleasant one. Then one by one, God started taking things from me. First, the presidency (of course, now I’m glad He has this wisdom but it was crushing),

then, people who I thought were friends, and so on until all that was left was my husband and my kids and my God. I was led to focus on my family and then my writing. In that order.

Somewhere along the way I had quit consulting God’s GPS and was forging my own way toward publication and importance. I had pushed my family to a very small spot in my day. My poor husband barely got any of my time. Though God fused us together as one, I was running around incomplete. Focusing on my family may seem easy, but some very painful things had to be resolved. It took most of this year to get through it. I ended up handing it all over to God and learning to forgive those who never asked for forgiveness, as well as those who did. That is when the healing began.

I felt guilty that I wasn’t really writing, and what I did write felt forced. I’d lost my stories and began to doubt the calling.

Taking a page from Mary’s book, I quieted my heart and sat at the feet of Jesus. When I readjusted my desires to align with God’s will and plan for me, things started to fall into place. No, I am not published yet. But I am writing again. It may not be for me to be published, and that’s okay just as long as I keep on the path that God has intended.

So I ask, Are you still on the same path that God called you to? Are you running ahead in wild abandon, oblivious to how the enemy of your soul has turned your feet onto a different path, one so similar you may not notice the difference? That is why you need to daily gauge your whereabouts. Be cross-eyed. Never take your eyes off Jesus.

And one last thing. God loves you so much. He only wants what’s best for you. We see snapshots; He sees the big picture. Do you trust God with your writing journey? Enough to set aside your desires and follow His will? Whatever the outcome, it will all be worth it in the end.