James L. Rubart is the best-selling, and award winning author of ROOMS, BOOK OF DAYS, and THE CHAIR. During the day he runs Barefoot Marketing, helping authors make more coin of the realm. In his free time he dirt bikes, hikes, water skis and take photos. No, he doesn’t sleep much. He lives with his amazing wife and teenage sons in the Pacific Northwest and still thinks he’s young enough to water ski like a madman. More at www.jameslrubart.com Or e-mail him at: jim@jimrubart.com

Do you want to get an editor or agent? I have tenmarketing  methods to make it happen. These aren’t the only ways to make an impact, but believe me, these will make a lasting impression on your dream editor or agent.

1. Pitch editors and agents in the bathroom if possible. It’s where they’re most vulnerable, thus most open to suggestions.

2. If you have a fifteen-minute appointment with an editor or agent, make sure you talk for at least fourteen of the fifteen minutes. Editors and agents love to try to give you sage advice in sixty seconds or less.

3. Be sure to ask editors and agents inane questions about them that could easily be answered with a little Internet research. They like being asked these questions over and over again.

4. Tell them, “Tosca Lee [or another of your favorite authors] said I should talk to you and she’s promised to endorse anything I write!” Don’t worry if you really don’t know the author. Editors and agents never check on stuff like that.

5. If you get a chance to sit next to an editor or agent at a meal, scoot your chair so close they’ll feel like they’re in the middle of a CT scan. They like feeling close to writers.

6. When it’s your turn to speak at a round table pitch session or a meal where there are other aspiring writers, don’t talk in short sound bites. Talk in long run-on sentences—without taking a breath if possible. This proves to an editor or agent you have enough words to write a full length novel.

7. Before and after your appointment, lurk in your favorite editor or agent’s peripheral vision so they know you’re serious about working with them. Editors don’t think of this as stalking, they think of it as persistence.

8. Tell them another editor or agent has serious interest in your manuscript. No editor or agent in this industry knows any other editor or agent, so you don’t have to worry about them talking to each other and then talking about you.

9. When they ask for your proposal, and they will if you use the techniques above, hand them one that’s a little beat up with two or three strategically placed coffee stains. This shows you’re a true artist.

10. Whenever you say the editor or agent’s name, pronounce it wrong. This will provide loads of laughs in the years to come when you reminisce about your first meeting.

It probably doesn’t surprise you that I’ve seen many of these methods with my own eyes and heard of the rest. No, I’m not kidding. Do the opposite. I promise, my editor and agent friends will thank you.